☀️ good morning bitches 12/27/19
It is Thursday, December 12, 2019 at 4:11 a.m. and I am determined to start and finish this edition by 8 a.m. So if you get this Thursday, then I am not to be held accountable for lack of content/typos. If you get this Friday (most likely) then you can rip me to SHREDS on Twitter.
Update: It is December 27th and I am just now sending out this newsletter. Is literally anyone surprised?
MOVING ON!
Here’s what’s happened in the last few weeks…
God bestowed upon us the In The Heights trailer
We have to wait until JUNE to see Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first stage-to-film adaptation? That is a CRIME against the ARTS! I am still kicking myself for not seeing In The Heights when I was st*dying abr*ad in London (censored to show you that I know it’s boring to talk about studying abroad on the internet 4 years after you did it.) Also, as much as I love LMM’s work, I derive great pleasure from listening to the Heights album solely to find the seemingly endless music/syntax/performance similarities to Hamilton.
If you loved/hated the Duggars….
You’re going to love/hate the Plath family!!!!
TLC’s latest cash cow is the cult-like Plath family, whose 9 blonde children are subjected to family rules like no sugar, no alcohol, no college, and absolutely no access to the state of California (not kidding). They live on a remote 50-acre farm in southern Georgia, and, naturally, they’re home schooled.
I watched the first episode just laugh at it for five minutes but ended up becoming legitimately invested in the lives of these Georgian towheads. My favorite drama? The mom can’t stand her son’s wife (even though she is lovely!!!!!) and literally sets rules to limit the other children from hanging out with their sister-in-law.
That’s the face of a girl who knows a toxic mother-in-law when she sees one!
BUT WAIT — are the Plaths really who they claim to be?????
This investigative piece (I say that extremely loosely) found that the Plaths actually own a home in the suburbs and list their farmhouse on AirBnB. Which means that the entire! premise! of! the! show! isn’t! even! real!!!!
Anyway, check it out on TLC and let this image haunt your dreams:
Public service announcement for anyone suffering through winter dryness right now:
Someone walked in my house the other day and asked me what my humidifier was…..
Shockingly, I had to explain God’s greatest gift to Chicagoans to a fully grown adult, which made me consider:
Did people really grow up without a steady stream of mist wafting through their house at all times?????????
Yes, there are homes with humidifiers built into the furnace, but some of us aren’t working with such luxuries. If you notice your skin getting dry, your throat getting scratchy, or your hair getting staticky, it’s probably time to consider getting a humidifier. There is a clear difference in the state of my hair when my humidifier is running and when it is not. Having and loving a humidifier is peak adulting, y’all! Would I ever steer you wrong???
You can get the big boys that hydrate a whole room & last for 96 hours, or you can et lil baby desktop ones in the shape of a cactus. Or, you can just get a standard sized one that provides neither longevity nor cuteness. UP TO YOU!!
True good morning bitches would not need me to inform them that season 2 of You dropped on Netflix yesterday…
I’ve only watched about 2.5 episodes, but it’s already pretty spicy!! Not sure if it can top season 1, which you should absolutely watch if you haven’t yet. It’s the perfect creepy show to get you right out of the Christmas spirit and never trust a man again. Yay!
I saw the new Star Wars and all I have to say is WATCH OUT, BABY YODA
Cause Babu Frik has won my heart
I won’t give any spoilers (mostly because I probably couldn’t correctly remember the plot, anyway) but just know that Babu Frik undoubtedly makes the movie worth seeing.
Babu does a SCREM !!!
Very cool digital NYT piece that you should use one of your free monthly articles to read:
It covers everything from Beyonce and ballet to Spandex and Soundcloud. Very cool and pretty and well written. Read it here.
Twitter thread that is more engaging than 90% of television:
This five-part (and counting) thread of videos tells the gripping story of Caleb’s date with his coworker, Jonathan. Each video ends on a cliffhanger and we have to wait hours if not DAYS for the next update. One of my favorite quotes from video 3:
“He comes over and starts saying ‘call an ambulance!’ Thank God I was awake enough to say ‘don’t call an ambulance, call an Uber; I would rather die than wake up with more debt.’”
Twitter account that is mostly pretty dull but occasionally has some gems:
Dull:
GEMS:
And then sometimes it just reveals really terrible typos:
I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!
Article that will make you thankful you’re not a teenager in 2019:
This piece delivers vignettes of what “cancelling” means to several different teens. Some have canceled a classmate, some have cancelled an e-cig company, and some have been cancelled themselves. While most celebrities can bounce back from even the most horrifying scandals (how many of you still listen to Chris Brown?), teenagers don’t have the money, publicists, and power to redeem themselves. And do all of them deserve it? Is youth itself an excuse for making insensitive jokes? (That’s a debate that will run as long as public figures’ racist/sexist/homophobic tweets from the early 2010s are screen shotted and disseminated.) The article is a jarring look into how celebrity culture trickles down and affects the lives of kids who may or may not deserve this form of extreme pushback from their peers. Woof.
Sweaters that are unfortunately just a marketing ploy:
10/10 would have worn these dreamboat massive sweaters, but alas, they’re just ads for regular old slim fit sweaters that I refuse to link to purely out of spite.
Speaking of ads…
Check out this absolute nightmare:
Of all the ways to execute a creative brief, you pick that one?
While we’re at it, let’s not forget one of the most iconic ads of the decade:
It’s the TV spot that went viral for all the wrong reasons: because it totally looked like the brother and sister were doin’ it. This piece is hysterical and interviews the actors and ad guys behind the spot….some of whom still maintain after all these years that we’re making the incest thing up in our minds. Lol ok, bruh
Reminder as we head into New Year’s Resolution territory
I believe I stole this from an Orangetheory facebook page (because, yeah, I’m in the OTF cult now apparently). I posted it on my instagram story and got at least two dozen replies from people saying they needed that reminder…so I thought I’d do my due body-positive diligence and throw it in here, too.
Fashion (?) product that I cannot fathom is real:
This totally functional coat comes from Fashion Brand Company, which is 100% worth a follow on Instagram. Even if you never plan to purchase any of their clothes, you still get content like this: (dad, scroll through this section please)
But hey, you gotta love a brand that’s transparent:
And yes, they make matching clothes specifically for lizards.
Bitch of the week:
Little miss Britt Frazier is a true OG good morning bitch, and embodies everything we love here at GMB: a little sass, a little left-leaning politics, and a whole lotta badass personality. Britt quit her job in advertising this fall, and immediately got swept into the world of Luna Bay Booch, a Chicago alcoholic kombucha company founded by two women.
^^ I, a mere mortal, seeing Britt in action at the Luna Bay holiday party last Friday.
A couple of things…
The kombucha SLAPS and you should definitely try it
Britt’s goal is to get their instagram to 3k followers, and if you love me or good morning bitches then you like Britt by association….so help a bitch out! follow follow follow
Britt is a great friend and I love her, which has nothing to do with her business pursuits but it’s worth mentioning !!
This weekish on Twitter:
Alright, I’ll let you get back to your Friday, because unlike me you’re probably not even at work
Thank you to everyone who reached out on Christmas to check in and see if I was okay. Because after all….
Until next time,
xo,
Lily
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