the mini-bitch: decade edition
Don’t worry, you did not just stumble into yet another thinkpiece about what it means to be living at the end of a decade—something we have already experienced yet writers are acting like this is the first turn-of-the-decade in our lifetime. (If you under the age of 10, that sentence does not apply to you. Also you probably shouldn’t be reading this newsletter. Might I suggest Arthur?)
It feels foolish to place some sort of extra emphasis on the end of 2019…though maybe I am biased because 2019 was ~the worst~ and frankly, I just want it to be over.
Buuuuut alas, I am me, and I can’t resist playing into internet trends just a little bit. We all know that good morning bitches has not been around for a decade…but GMB is essentially just an extension of my stream of consciousness, so in a way it actually kind of has. Thus, I present to you:
*The GMB Decade in Review (if GMB Had Been Here All Along)*
(slapped together with love in the middle of a 1am shift)
Top 10 TV Shows That Were Not Necessarily Created After 2010 But Whatever That’s When I Started Watching Them So It Qualifies
Arrested Development
Schitt’s Creek
Call the Midwife
Impractical Jokers
One Mississippi
Mozart in the Jungle
Playing House
Frasier
New Girl
Mad Men
It is no surprise that almost all of these shows are ones that I watched with my mom. She had incredible taste in television and was always trying to get me on board with whatever show she had just discovered. I always resisted, she always won out in the end, and dammit, she was always right.
Top 10 Niche Facebook Groups That Are Largely Cat Related
Top 10 Memes, Presented Without Context
Top 10 Books That I’m Not Going To Link To Because Google Exists
Dark Places - Gillian Flynn
Outlander - Diana Gabaldon
Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Picoult
The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien
The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson
When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi
Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid
The Art of Fielding - Chad Harbach
Top 10 Beauty Products That I Unfortunately Cannot Live Without Given Their Cumulative Price Tag
Top 10 Podcasts Because Of Course I’m Going To Talk About Podcasts
Eric in the Morning (101.9 Morning Show — this was my podcast gateway drug)
My Dad Wrote a Porno
My Favorite Murder (though at times slightly problematic, it weirdly shaped me as a person the last few years so it deserves a spot on here)
Do You Need A Ride?
Last Podcast on the Left (specifically the Jonestown series)
Sordid Details
The Butterfly Effect
Dr. Death
American Scandal (Season 1: BALCO)
S-Town (mostly because the guy’s last name is my mom’s maiden name and I like to think that they’re in some way related even though I have no evidence to prove it)
To 10ish Songs That You Will Inevitably Roast Me For But I Don’t Care And It’s 3am So My Judgement Isn’t Necessarily Sound
We Are Young - fun.
sweetener - Ariana Grande
Sunday Candy - Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment
Electric Love - BøRNS
I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers
Reflections - Misterwives
White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons
Blank Space - Taylor Swift
Cough Syrup - Young the Giant
Love on Top - Beyonce
Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus
Royals - Lorde
Praying - Ke$ha
Get Back Up - Tidal Volume (now Zach can’t make fun of this list because I put his song on it HA!!!!)
Literally everything from Hamilton NOT SORRY
Special Mention: What Does The Fox Say? loljk, maybe
Top 10 Things That Were Relevant At The Beginning Of The Decade But Now RIP
Going on Chatroulette and not telling your parents about it
Tumblr (unless you’re a Swiftie)
The band fun. :(
Our collective obsession with Jamba Juice
Being content with sending green text messages
Editing photos with picnik
Irrationally hating La Croix
Yoga pants with PINK on the butt
Uggs being legitimately cool, then all of a sudden everyone shitting on Uggs for no reason
Perez Hilton
Top 10 Websites/Apps That Were Only Born This Decade But Now My Life All But Depends On Them
The NYT Crossword App
Instagram, but more specifically the app UNUM which lets me plan what my grid will look like because #aesthetic (a horrid new byproduct of this decade)
Spotify (but NOT for podcasts, no matter how hard they try to push it on me)
Notion (you might not know what this is so check out notion.so because it is super cool)
Substack 👋
Citymapper
Uber Eats
Nike Running App
VSCO (lol)
AirBnb (I threw this one on to make me seem well-traveled)
Top 10 Things I Learned Through Stress And Fun And Sadness And Laughter And Crying
Moms die. (This one particularly sucked.)
When they say you “get health insurance” when you get a job, you still have to pay for it (seriously such a bummer)
Homesickness is not as scary when you’re in college as it is when you’re in 9th grade
A new external hard drive is worth its weight in gold
Missing your flight because you were eating in an airport restaurant is the most humiliating and expensive mistake to make
Overnight retainers are the best investment you can make in yourself
People will mock you for buying something you know is cool, and then 6 months later they’ll be buying it too (cough, Airpods, cough, double strap Nike slides)
Teaching yourself skills that you’re interested in is preeeetty much the only way you’ll ever get a job because you won’t learn them in college
If you see a couple taking a selfie in public, offer to take their photo for them. It’s just the decent thing to do.
Doing your taxes is not that hard, stop complaining about it and just make a TurboTax account
Annnnnd that’s it! No insightful reflection about the last ten years from me! No commentary on how internet culture has evolved since 2009! No summary of the highs and lows of my 2010s! You’re welcome for only somewhat wasting your time this morning 🖤
See you in 2020, bitches.
xo,
Lily
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